truthfully. honestly.

Listening to: Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
U2 - Wake Up Dead Man

I feel as if my life is need of change. A spiritual revamp. I feel stale and poignant. As someone who professes to make God first in his life, I certainly fall short. I have no doubt a lot of us do. It's understandable. Why would we put the One who gives us breath to live our puny little lives ahead of us? We have so many more important things to accomplish. I'd rather read a music magazine than His guiding word. I'd rather go to sleep than pray to Him at night. And most definitly, my friends and family come way before He does.

Jesus said this:

"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

And yet, even with this truth thrown right into my face, I only feel somewhat vindicated. This is a sad thought. The created hating the Creator. Who is my life lost to?

Without God intervening in my life, whether I like it or not, I am lost. I am worthless. What confounds me is that He doesn't think so. He loves me unconditionally and I throw that back into His face.

I am selfish. Completly and overwhelmingly selfish. Deep down, I only care about me. And you know what? So does God.

Jesus carried the cross and all my shame in front of everyone. I'm too scared to say His name in class. I feel awkward when I pray in public. I turn down Christian music when non-Christian friends need a ride somewhere.

It is time to take a stand. Christianity has taken a beating for a long time. We are weak-willed and compromisable. We listen to other beliefs yet don't hear our own.

Jesus really is behind the locked door in our hearts. Find a way to get in.