I am 23-years-old. I have been married for three and a half years to a beautiful woman. I have an education. I live in Canada, one of the most taken-for-granted nations in the world. I have a job, even though I can't stand it. I live in an apartment and in less than three months, I will become a father to a baby girl. I have a close relationship with both sides of my family and an excellent host of friends.
And yet, I still find time to complain about the shortcomings and trials in my life.
Sentences and envious thoughts such as, "Why is this happening to me?" and "Why are they more successful than I am?" cloud my mind and more recently, my judgment or ability to make decisions.
I try to comfort my fears with comforting thoughts: "It's just a phase," and "My time will come." Honestly though, it seems whatever I am striving for is constantly out of reach. Like sand slipping out of a clenched fist, or trying to cup water in your hands, the aspiration is short lived.
So if we all have to walk through the valley before ascending to the mountain peaks, why does it seem some of us have trouble climbing up and out?
Do I not work hard enough? Am I not smart enough?
We are all created equally and each one of us have been designed to serve a purpose. However, I believe we all serve our purpose at the time set for us. Maybe it means waiting for a sign or maybe it doesn't. Whatever it is, I believe that if we don't venture outside our door into life, we will never discover it.
A life left up to wondering is a life unfulfilled.
And that's what I've been doing. I've been wondering about the 'if' and 'when'. It's hard for me to admit that, but in doing so, it's forcing me to deal with that admission. Acknowledging your fear is the first step to overcoming it.
And now I sound like a self-help guru.
I really just want to confess today that I struggle with my identity. I compare and define myself with all the wrong reasons.
I am who I am. I am where I need to be. And I will not take that for granted any longer, or at least start to try.