Friday, September 29, 2006

where the shadow met the sun

hmm. today I think I will pursue a gaming console of some kind and pick up groceries so I can eat. my grandma is coming over soon to drop off some vegetables. i probably should be eating healthier than mr.noodles. he's not nice to the digestive system over a period of time.

anyway, matt and luke, if you guys read this, i hope you're having a grand ol' time in W.V! we miss seeing you this weekend! say hello to andy for me!

oh matt, U2 put out a new dvd this week. ZOOTV is awesome. Bono and Co. look hilarious in some of their costumes. Halo next week?....

and luke (a.k.a. Biggie) apparantly there is a female version of Harvest moon for Playstation. i'm going to chumleighs to look for it. hahah ruth just said "'re going to chumleighs?..." oops better run!


Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The road on which I travel

It's a long road. It's dirty, rough and seemingly endless. I've been walking it for about 20 years now.

My path seems to have changed from what it once was. I felt secure in my old path because I did not worry about what eating or paying a large sum of money to live every month. I did not have to worry about money. It was taken care of. I was living under my parents. I've now 'grown up' and 'moved out'. I'm a co-dependant.

I don't why I can't look at the bright side of my life now. I am married to a beautiful woman who loves God, I have a roof over my head and I am going to school to gain a better sense of life and a better job. I don't know right now what I will do with this diploma once I am finished but I know that'd I'd like to have a job that would let me provide fully for Ruth.

Deep inside my heart I know that God should be the first most important being in my life. I feel that I should read His word everyday but I don't. No, I'm too caught up in my own life. I dont' want that anymore. I want a life that has God written all over it. I can't do it by myself. I just can't. It's too hard. I need You. I need direction. I know that You know what my life will bring.

I know that there are many different paths but I just hope You'll guide me onto the right one. I'm reminded of a lyric in a song that Derek Webb wrote, "I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes." My heart yearns for the faith it knows I have.

I journey on.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Oh Dear

Life's seemingly pointless miniscule chore has struck again!

This time, it is in the form of changing over our insurance to Ontario's insurance. I thought we could slide under the radar on this one but I guess not. This means a change in vehicle license plates and saying goodbye to my beloved Nova Scotia license plate. How sad.

The Ontario license plate is ridiculous and make you want to rip your eyes out. Well not really the latter but come on! They could have done better. Who decided to put a small crown on the plate? Yes, I know that I make things seem more difficult than they normally are and this probably won't be a big deal. I know I'll come to this conclusion in a couple days but for now AHHHH!

Listen to Matt Costa. He's a fun little jamboree waiting to be listened to.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

family of five

ok. picture this for a reality show. it's like big brother only way cooler.
show title: family of five
contestants - 10 year old Brazilian girl
- Russian Cosmonaut
- Nazi
- Sucessful Chinese Business Man
- White trash female

the contestants would participate in a series of games such as three-leg races, iron man triathalons and tag. of course there would be no real point to the games, it would just be a test of each contestants patience and sanity. each week the members of the house would write down who they would want to vote out of the house on a piece of paper and then be forced to trash it. no one gets voted out in this game. the game would go on forever. of course the games dynamics would change because the 10 year old Brazilian girl would get older, the russian might learn some english and the white trash and chinese business man would most likely get married and have half-white trash semi-sucessful business children.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

I think Aslan missed that one...

poor little lion.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

a picture is worth a thousand words...

...but i don't think a thousand words can describe this one.

Monday, September 18, 2006

feel like i'm crawling the hills in the shadowlands

Do you ever feel like you don't want to do life anymore? Now I'm not talking about suicide but you know those days where you don't want to wake up but you don't want to lay in bed either? I'd rather have nothing to do over something to do. Nothing to do is easier because if you fail at doing it, it doesn't matter because it was nothing.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I don't know if i have what it takes to be a journalist. They say i have to be passionate and I have to have a keen eye for current events. I also need to be articulate and reasonable and tell the truth. Well as of right now, I don't see any passion in my life. I don't like the fact that i have to "do" something everyday. Sure, maybe it keeps me from going insane...yeah right. Maybe I'm feeling depressed because my teacher, the one who is supposed to motivate me, was the one telling me that journalist's lead a mediocre life. Don't tell me your story please. I have my own to deal with.

And why depress myself with the news everyday? Who wants to hear that a woman shot her five baby children dead, then turned the gun on herself? Who wants to hear about continuing oppression of women in the middle east? Who cares about what the Pope said? Who's the Pope anyway? Other than some religious figure elected by sinners? Who cares? I know i'm ranting but like Isaid, "Who cares"? Other than God, who really cares? Truly and deeply?


Saturday, September 16, 2006


my philosophy is this: don't dream big if you're not going to think big. why torture yourself with "maybe's" and "what ifs"? why do you not take seriously those dreams and aspirations? i'm confused. people will take seriously the mediocrity that life hands them yet when a chance comes along that could able them to pursue their dream, they shrug it off, prefering to stay in their comfortable crap bubble they've built around themselves. i want to play guitar in a band. i want to write music and sing my songs. i want to be affirmed of my talent. i want to see cities around the world. i don't care which one as long as it's not in eastern canada. maybe rome or moscow.

i'm torn inside. i'm confused about life. i'm a slow learner. i'm afraid of what i cannot see. i'm a doubting thomas. and that's ok for now.


Monday, September 11, 2006

it's amazing how much it hurts

oh man. this day really picked me up. my dad came to visit Ruth and I. we have been looking forward to this day for a long time. actually since my family left to go back home in august. it was short but sweet. i went to class this morning while dad and ruth hung out, then they came and rescued me. We went to quiznos for lunch where i had too many hot peppers. they killed my stomach! i was then dropped back off at school for a class i didn't have to be at. i hate that. after school was finished for the day, they came and picked me up and dad and i dropped ruth off at home so she could bake her delicious apple crisp. then dad and i went to the mall and hung out. father/son time. we walked around various outlets and then walked into old navy where he bought me a great beige jacket. it is very chique. he also bought me some t-shirts that i liked.
thanks dad :) . we then went back to pick up ruth and headed off to grandmas to vist. from there we went to east side marios and had a great dinner together. dad got kung pao chicken which wasn't hot until he had a bite of my chicken cacciatore. he gave me gifts from my family - lindsay gave me a lovely card, matt gave me a cd from the raconteurs, ryan bought me a future shop gift card, and mom and dad gave me a card and a derek webb dvd. thank you thank you. after supper, we went back to our place for apple crisp which was amazing. we chatted and looked at pictures and talked to mom/lindsay on webcam. and then before you knew it, we were hugging dad goodbye...i didn't cry right away. its painful you know, you wait all this time for a day you think will last forever and then its over. when ruth and i got back inside, we cried. and laughed at our kittens. i hope dad has a safe drive back to toronto tonight. i'm sure he will. we can't wait to see him again and the rest of my amazing family. i really miss my dad a lot tonight.

I love you very much Dad, Mom, Ryan, Matthew, Lindsay.
you're always on our minds.


Sunday, September 10, 2006

luke check out this link - get your hudson fix

just thought you'd be interested. i think there are more on the website.
love ya man,

sean - then go to "listen",
then scroll down until you reach hudson

Saturday, September 09, 2006

simple twist of fate

yes life can take unexpected turns. the cards aren't always flush. just enjoy those moments you have. anyway, right now i'm listening to franz ferdinand and thinking about my good friend matt. man i had such a good time two years ago with him and andy. he's a good guy. and ladies, he's single but not looking right now. matt if you haven't got the hint yet, i love ya man. you'll have to come over for a keith's and franz and chappelle. it'd be a rip rootin good time.

also i miss jay a lot. best (male) roomate ever. and just remember i watch you when you sleep.

and luke. oh luke, i'm so glad you're here in ontario for now. we absolutely love having you over every friday. have fun with jay this weekend! hug him for me and give him a little toosh squeeze. that's all i have to gay for now.


Friday, September 08, 2006

artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

I thought that was funny quote. Saw it on a sign earlier this week.

walking through the desert is a painful process. the sand scorches the soles of your feet and your skin begins to burn. water is nothing but wishful thinking. even the night brings no relief. it grows colder by the minute and the once-warm sand dunes no longer hold their warmth. you feel lost, without hope, knowing that no one knows you are stranded out here. it's a pretty discouraging feeling. but you still keep walking. you don't know why, but you feel compelled to. i mean, you came all this way, you're not going to turn around now. besides it would be pointless, you're most likely past half of your trek. on and on, dragging your deadweight body along. then, when all hope seems to have escaped your body, you spot a small pit with water inside of it. you taste it and it tastes beautiful. you gain moisture back into your body and you rest. as your body regains health, you take all the comfort you can because in time, you will be back on your desert road. this is how i describe my journey through life. a never ending test of devotion and discomfort to the One you walk towards, even if you can't see Him.


Thursday, September 07, 2006

more than sparrows

we my friends are more than sparrows. i never really realized that until a couple of days ago. Jesus knows every hair on my head, why? I don't know but he does. I guess that comes with being omniscient. you end up knowing a bunch of pointless things. if i had to guess, i'd say 43 323 hairs. but you also know the heart of every man. kinda cool. and i'm going to stop now.

i've got this song stuck in my head, a really funky groovin number - Ophelia by The Band, and i like the lyrics. but it really is better to listen to it. if you have limewire, download it and enjoy.

now i drift into the shadowlands


Wednesday, September 06, 2006

you know that scene where...

it seems my mind is full with movie/television quotes. Sometimes I think I'm incapable of creating my own valid, insightful quote. Anyone can sputter a random group of words out of their mouth and make them sound intelligent. I guess whatever floats your boat. I seems that in my quest for originality, I end up back where I started. And now that I'm in the boat of unoriginality, I start rowing back to the shores of uncertainty. There are so many things in life that I'd rather not "have to do" such as pursue an education or drive to the grocery store. I would not like lay in bed all day either or read the latest newspaper article. Who cares about being up to date on current events? Why does it really matter? I know I'm an apprenticing journalist and I "should keep in touch with what happened today because it's part of my job" the end, after it is all said and done, what did I really do? I guess I'll find out then. But I still know that I'll be spending eternity with the One who saved me from this world. And that my friends is an astonishing reassurance that I can rest on.

and as I read this over, I don't see how it ties together but are blogs really supposed to? who read them anyway?


words of a skeptical optimist

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

is it really what I want?

I can't pass judgment on today simply because it was only the first day. I can tell you however that I have never felt more alone in a long time until today. At lunch, everyone was supposed to go to the field and grab a sandwich. I went with the hope of perhaps meeting someone and that did not happen. I guess I lack the courage to interact with stangers. Then I asked myself this question, "Is it such a big ordeal to walk to up to somebody and say "Hey, how are you"? Well to me it is. I was terrified. Everyone is nervous yes, but not like me. My insecurity comes out of me like sweat. I really do want to hang out with new people but I'd rather not do all the pre-friendship stuff. Tomorrow I have a chance to make new friends. The journalism classes are going to the Frinc Centre and are to spend the day getting to know each other. I'm fine with that. We're carpooling to go there and I'm bringing our car. Most likely I'll play some cool hip music so that whoever rides with me think I'm cool. Very junior-highesh in my opinion but hey, whatever. I miss my family and friends.


here on the verge

here I am. Underneath everything, I am honestly anxious and frightened about what tomorrow holds in store. You see I am going to college again. This time I'm going to be studying Print Journalism. Why? I don't really know yet, maybe for the neat status of being a "journalist". I respond to people who ask what I want to do with it that I want to fuse both my love for music and writing together and see what becomes of it but really, I'm just a fellow human trying to make his own way in this world. I feel like I'm walking through a valley that I've created. My mountains are "what I should do" and my path is flithy with doubt and fear. This leads to the cave of uncertainty. My clouds are grey with animosity towards the very institute that will teach me. I don't know why I feel this way. I guess I'd rather be spending time with close friends and family, learning from them. I'd like to go on adventures to exotic regions around the globe or go to any band concert I want. An education and money really determine a lot in our secular world today. It's too bad. If only those people would realize that everything in this world will not last. At least I know that much. Take that thought with you today.


Sunday, September 03, 2006

what a wonderful weekend

oh I had the greatest time in a long time this weekend. I just want to state that I love (in no particular order), Jay, Luke and Matt. Remember the flying fox? More like the flying caterpillar! Also trying to jump up onto a bar which I sadly and hilariously enough could not make everytime. I thouroughly enjoyed hiding when Nicki and Nic-kol-la (haha) came back from Tim Hortons. Sneaking around is well...sneaky. The next day was wonderful as well. What can I say? Chumleighs, Stinky Bizarro Chumleighs, parousing around downtown Belleville with true blue buddies and of course creating Jay's costume (Luke, all I have to say is FELT). Which reminds me, can you pick up a Red Gold Plated Crown with the words inscribed "I'm Yo King"? Thanks! All of us later went back to Matt's house to fellowship with eachother. Dinner was good and so was the rest of the stuff ;). We stayed up way too late watching friends season 2 but it was still fun. I really enjoyed talking with Luke late last night. I always felt comfortable with him. I love ya man! My wife and her best friend Nicole stayed at our place while I hung out the night at the Mackays. The first night apart! Egads. ehhhhh it was ok.

well till then,


Friday, September 01, 2006

paranoid humanoid

i hear i'm paranoid. the voice tells me that inside my head. it doesn't take much to send me flying into absurdity. it's just that i'm scared. scared of this life. i shouldn't be really, i've got God to depend on and trust in but i wonder if i know if thats enough. deep down i know it is. my beautiful wife made a brilliant comment today (edited now due to lack of memoire) - why should i worry about serving man? it doesn't get me anywhere. why should i worry about pleasing other people because they're most likely giving me advice so that they can hear themselves talk and they will ALL have a different opinion. so what's a man to believe? God is that HOLY and DIVINE answer. He's all I will ever need so how come doubting sean does not believe? (pardon the third-person dialect). I was watching boy meets world tonight and cory matthews made a good point about allegiance. whats the point of aligning yourself to some tradition or man if you don't know what it means? this in turn prompted the bigger question: what and who is my allegiance to? Jesus Christ? the internet? writing? music? government? surely not to democracy. i'm frustrated with myself and my inability to choose the right path although sometimes, just when it's quiet enough in my strident heart, and my eyes are clear, i hear Him, and I see Him saying, "Sean, my friend, I am at the door and I'm putting my sandals on your shoe rack". Jesus is real folks, real enough to bring me to tears. it was my lustful thoughts, my anger, my dislove for His people, that literally nailed Him. piercing through actual flesh and bone just so that I, Sean McMullen would have the chance to spend the rest of my life hanging out with Him. thats really something to think about. i know i think about it sometimes.